Can’t, Can

This woman was keeping track of the words I said as if she was putting magic into them, cooing and awing and whispering as she typed, "good good..." into my sentences And it was in that moment that I realized the clarity of my visions and what I’d been searching to see. I am not lost. I don’t go out enough and it clouds my sense of anything that is the world. Life feels out of focus but everything keeps pointing, I am right where I am supposed to be. I long for a past that is forgotten memory I feel at home here but I find myself so lonely maybe it’s the pandemic talking, if it's real, though, it’s always been a habit to lock my self away from the world. I have to stop telling myself I can’t I fear I will miss the colors of fall, again. Everything looks much more beautiful and I feel like I am alone in space, and then winter comes My soul struggles for survival and at some point, you stop hearing the traffic, and you try to avoid the puddles gathered by the rain. Carelessly, and not so careless that you slip. I travel the world alone to find gratitude. And sometimes, I drive fast down the highway with my windows rolled down to feel some sort of freedom. All the lives I could have lived. Written 09-25-2021